MATURE CONTENT ADVISORY:
- “I always like to be valued for my equipment.” – Leah Welch
- “I want to see how much Ron Jeremy you have in you.” – Matt Stauffer, to Drew
- “You can insert it however you want.” – Leah Welch
- “Having a man inside my body would be so awkward…” – Mary Schmitt
- “Slow and churned…That’s how I like it.” – Megan Hoffman
- “I am not slender. I am not prototypically gay.” – Donnie Marsh
- “I call her L’Angela.” – [anonymous]
- “Explain to me your penis.” – Matt Green, to Drew
- “This whole time I thought Brian was black.” – Steve Adams, re: Brian Sanders
- “I’m a southern.” – Crob
- “Are you serious?” – Nancy, to Drew’s admission of intercession as a spiritual gift.
- “Don’t put anything down my shirt except money.” – Kristi Reinig
- “I’d much rather you say the ‘f’ word a hundred times a day than gossip once.” – Mike Patz
- “Be. Cause. I. Love. Drew.” – Matt Green, giving his five word reason why he is awesome.
- Mike Patz: Yeah, Matt green is one of the five funniest people i know
Matt Ulrich: Who are the other 4?
Mike Patz: Well, Drew is one. man, i would love to spend hours with them, they are so funny and so fun to be around. if i could just get them to pray, too - “We’re not having sex in Drew’s bed.” – Mom
- “What else do I do on the internet besides look at porn?” – [anonymous]
- “I’m a beautiful woman.” – Jason Thompson
- “Can I pay in those now?” – Drew Allen, on children at Coffee Culture.
- “I’m not ‘into’ Satan.” – Mike Patz
- “Everything is foreplay.” – Drew Allen
- “ I have licked Santa in many different forms.” – Leah Welch
- “I think I’m gonna tie Mary up.” – Leah Welch
- “Mine are blue.” – [anonymous], regarding her panties
- “No, my panties aren’t blue. My panties are black.” – [anonymous], upon reading preceding quote
- “We want to be in a harem.” – Mary Schmitt
- “I thought that was your knee…” – Leah Welch
- “My gaydar is hard.” – [reference removed upon request]
- “Who’s Todd Packer?” – Dump Truck
- “I’m a hairy virgin. If I were gay, I’d be a butt person.” – Dump Truck
- “Real men eat pink.” – Raquel Torres
- “Would you rather make out with Philip Yancey…or Philip Yancey?” – Matt Green
- “I never stereotype… I only monotype.” – Matt Green
- “It can’t be God’s will for someone that hot to go to hell.” – Mike Patz
- “My barrels are obscene.” – Leah Welch
- “What can I do with your hand for an hour?” – Lawton, to Stauffer.
- “How long did it take you film ‘Cum Dumpsters’?” – Jordan Rippy, to me, after googling “drew allen”
- “Is it awkward that I want to play you like a harp?” – Leah Welch, to Drew
- “I am the Statue of Liberty! OW!!! NO MORE HUDDLED MASSES!!” – Drew Allen
- “I know Slutty Whore.” – Drew Allen
- “My mouth is not actually big enough to get around this.” – Kyla Cacciabieve
- “I like penises.” – Jen Stine
- “It won’t go any further, there’s no more room in my mouth.” – Matt Lawton
- “Yes! I’m good with my tongue.” –Leah Welch
- “I’m about to get dorky on you… about public transportation.” – Matt Lawton
- “Jesus dies for you; can’t you roll your neck for Him?” – Mike Patz
- “I don’t have a problem with that, except that it’s problematic.” – Mike Patz
- “Hey, I can be all about the climax if I wanted.” – Leah Welch
- “My 14 year-old daughter has had more sex than I have!” – Drew Allen
- “I want every woman to feel like I might rape her at any second.” – Truly Anonymous
- “I’m a b*tch.” – [anonymous]
- “There’s a big difference between f*cking someone senseless and senseless f*cking!” – [anonymous]
- “Man, getting that head was a good idea.” – Drew Allen
- “Leah’s the easy one.” – Drew Allen
- “Dude, I would even date a pretty-faced big girl right now…” – [anonymous]
- “We should be friends, Drew.” – Mary Schmitt
- “When you have Michael Phelps making eighteen babies, who CARES where you live?” – Leah Welch
- “Does your story involve a stinky vagina? ‘Cuz mine does.” – [anonymous]
- “Today on Wikipedia, we looked up the word ‘f*ck’”. – [anonymous]
- “I’ve been that girl… not the stinky vagina one.” – Kirsten Madsen
- “I’m not ‘competing’… it’s just my life.” – Drew Allen
- “I saturate my information in books.” – Matt Green
- [anonymous] contributors include:
- Kirsten Madsen
- Leah Welch
- Drew Allen
- Zach Colley
- Jason Thompson
- Kyla Cacciabeve
- Jim Wharton