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  1. “I always like to be valued for my equipment.” – Leah Welch
  2. “I want to see how much Ron Jeremy you have in you.” – Matt Stauffer, to Drew
  3. “You can insert it however you want.” – Leah Welch
  4. “Having a man inside my body would be so awkward…” – Mary Schmitt
  5. “Slow and churned…That’s how I like it.” – Megan Hoffman
  6. “I am not slender. I am not prototypically gay.” – Donnie Marsh
  7. “I call her L’Angela.” – [anonymous]
  8. “Explain to me your penis.” – Matt Green, to Drew
  9. “This whole time I thought Brian was black.” – Steve Adams, re: Brian Sanders
  10. “I’m a southern.” – Crob
  11. “Are you serious?” – Nancy, to Drew’s admission of intercession as a spiritual gift.
  12. “Don’t put anything down my shirt except money.” – Kristi Reinig
  13. “I’d much rather you say the ‘f’ word a hundred times a day than gossip once.” – Mike Patz
  14. “Be. Cause. I. Love. Drew.” – Matt Green, giving his five word reason why he is awesome.
  15. Mike Patz: Yeah, Matt green is one of the five funniest people i know
    Matt Ulrich: Who are the other 4?
    Mike Patz: Well, Drew is one. man, i would love to spend hours with them, they are so funny and so fun to be around. if i could just get them to pray, too
  16. “We’re not having sex in Drew’s bed.” – Mom
  17. “What else do I do on the internet besides look at porn?” – [anonymous]
  18. “I’m a beautiful woman.” – Jason Thompson
  19. “Can I pay in those now?” – Drew Allen, on children at Coffee Culture.
  20. “I’m not ‘into’ Satan.” – Mike Patz
  21. “Everything is foreplay.” – Drew Allen
  22. “ I have licked Santa in many different forms.” – Leah Welch
  23. “I think I’m gonna tie Mary up.” – Leah Welch
  24. “Mine are blue.” – [anonymous], regarding her panties
  25. “No, my panties aren’t blue. My panties are black.” – [anonymous], upon reading preceding quote
  26. “We want to be in a harem.” – Mary Schmitt
  27. “I thought that was your knee…” – Leah Welch
  28. “My gaydar is hard.” – [reference removed upon request]
  29. “Who’s Todd Packer?” – Dump Truck
  30. “I’m a hairy virgin. If I were gay, I’d be a butt person.” – Dump Truck
  31. “Real men eat pink.” – Raquel Torres
  32. “Would you rather make out with Philip Yancey…or Philip Yancey?” – Matt Green
  33. “I never stereotype… I only monotype.” – Matt Green
  34. “It can’t be God’s will for someone that hot to go to hell.” – Mike Patz
  35. “My barrels are obscene.” – Leah Welch
  36. “What can I do with your hand for an hour?” – Lawton, to Stauffer.
  37. “How long did it take you film ‘Cum Dumpsters’?” – Jordan Rippy, to me, after googling “drew allen”
  38. “Is it awkward that I want to play you like a harp?” – Leah Welch, to Drew
  39. “I am the Statue of Liberty! OW!!! NO MORE HUDDLED MASSES!!” – Drew Allen
  40. “I know Slutty Whore.” – Drew Allen
  41. “My mouth is not actually big enough to get around this.” – Kyla Cacciabieve
  42. “I like penises.” – Jen Stine
  43. “It won’t go any further, there’s no more room in my mouth.” – Matt Lawton
  44. “Yes! I’m good with my tongue.” –Leah Welch
  45. “I’m about to get dorky on you… about public transportation.” – Matt Lawton
  46. “Jesus dies for you; can’t you roll your neck for Him?” – Mike Patz
  47. “I don’t have a problem with that, except that it’s problematic.” – Mike Patz
  48. “Hey, I can be all about the climax if I wanted.” – Leah Welch
  49. “My 14 year-old daughter has had more sex than I have!” – Drew Allen
  50. “I want every woman to feel like I might rape her at any second.” – Truly Anonymous
  51. “I’m a b*tch.” – [anonymous]
  52. “There’s a big difference between f*cking someone senseless and senseless f*cking!” – [anonymous]
  53. “Man, getting that head was a good idea.” – Drew Allen
  54. “Leah’s the easy one.” – Drew Allen
  55. “Dude, I would even date a pretty-faced big girl right now…” – [anonymous]
  56. “We should be friends, Drew.” – Mary Schmitt
  57. “When you have Michael Phelps making eighteen babies, who CARES where you live?” – Leah Welch
  58. “Does your story involve a stinky vagina? ‘Cuz mine does.” – [anonymous]
  59. “Today on Wikipedia, we looked up the word ‘f*ck’”. – [anonymous]
  60. “I’ve been that girl… not the stinky vagina one.” – Kirsten Madsen
  61. “I’m not ‘competing’… it’s just my life.” – Drew Allen
  62. “I saturate my information in books.” – Matt Green
  • [anonymous] contributors include:
  • Kirsten Madsen
  • Leah Welch
  • Drew Allen
  • Zach Colley
  • Jason Thompson
  • Kyla Cacciabeve
  • Jim Wharton